Lets have some fun again with the Trumpster. He’ll only be around for 2 more months. So with Hillary Clinton’s observation that about half of Donald Trump supporters are racists, sexists, homophobes, or other bigots, and belong into a ‘Basket of Deplorables’ - an instant Twitter hashtag game formed around #BasketOfDeplorables. And the ‘Deplorable’ name became synomymous immediately with the bigoted half of the Trump supporters. I thought about it for a while and it hit me, gosh Donald Trump and the Deplorables. Isn’t that like a rock band? George Thorogood and the Destroyers. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. Derek and the Dominos. Siouxie and the Banshees. And so forth. Donald Trump and the Deplorables. Lets play with this theme. The Wikipedia entry for this infamous 1970s Punk-rock era band with its flamboyant frontman, famous for the hit single (Build) The Wall.
FAKE WIKIPEDIA ENTRY - DONALD TRUMP AND THE DEPLORABLES
(Note, Trump himself is a total fake, alleged Billionaire, so why not?)
Donald Trump and the Deplorables was a 1970s era Punk-rock band that had a string of Top 10 hits and several worldwide number 1 chart-topping love songs including (Build) The Wall, Ban the Muslims, Mexicans Are Rapists and She Bleeds (From Wherever). Fronted by flamboyant Donald Trump, a previous Disco-music one-hit wonder famous for the novelty comedy hit love song, Obama is a Kenyan. The Deplorables scored a string of hits on the singles chart and one bestselling album, entitled Primary Race. The Deplorables sang Punk-rock in self-styled ‘sarcastic’ style which most Punk-rockers rejected as simply mindless Disco music pretending to be Punk. Due to conflicts with ever changing lead guitar players, the band was renamed ‘Donald Trump and his Basket of Deplorables’ one year later, for their second album, Convention in Cleveland. That performed poorly in the charts. Its successor, the third and final album for the band, Election in November was a total flop, the band was dropped by its record label, Republican Records. The aftermath of Donald Trump and the Deplorables resulted in decades of lawsuits as most bandmembers had not been paid.
Donald Trump Early Career
Donald Trump is the stage name of Donald Drumpf, a half-Scottish celebrity dabbled in various failing pop celebrity and business ventures from launching his own Vodka brand to his own airline to various TV shows to even operating and almost instantly also bankrupting several casinos. He tried his hand in popmusic early in the Disco era releasing a cover of the comedy pop Disco song Obama is a Muslim, (released as Donald J Trump). It reached number 7 on the Billboard pop charts and made Donald Trump a semi-recognizable pop starlet. His follow-up singlesTo Be Blunt (They Were Not Great Buildings), Lets Invade Iraq, I'm Gonna Run for President (released as Donald J Trump & the University) and a second set in We Have to Topple Gaddafi and Haters and Losers (of 9/11) (released as Donald Trump and the Institute) were poorly received and none entered into the Top 100. Trump’s awkward dance moves and flabby body shape were unsuited for the smooth dance era of Disco. His chance came with the sudden emergence of Punk-rock.
The Punk-rock genre was born as a protest against highly produced studio sounds of Abba, David Bowie, Queen and other artists of that era. Led by The Sex Pistols and its frontman Johnny Rotten with songs such as Anarchy in the UK and God Save the Queen. This gave Donald Trump the idea to mock another glamrock pop band briefly popular at that era, Donny Osmond and the Adorables, with Trump’s Punk Rock answer: Donald Trump and the Deplorables. Against young handsome teen hearthrob with a great head of hair, Donny Osmond, Donald Trump was the perfect opposite, loudmouth ugly vile fat old utterly unsexy man, with an ugly hairpiece. The name took on even more meaning in Britain during the Punk-rock era, where an alternate English slang meaning for 'trump' is a fart. So Donny Osmond and the Adorables vs Donald Fart and the Deplorables.
String of Top 10 Hits
Their debut single, Mexicans Are Rapists, scored Donald Trump and the Deplorables their first Top 10 hit, peaking at number 7. The love song about Mexicans made the Deplorables an instant favorite among the new Punk-rock genre without many established stars yet and proved that Punk-rock had significant cross-over appeal later to be exploited by Punk-rock bands such as Blondie and the Clash. Mexicans Are Rapists was a peculiar comedy single in that its B-side (flip-side) had a song entitled Mexicans Are Murderers, which was the same song as Mexicans Are Rapists, just under the other name. Some fans returned the single back to the store thinking its a manufacturing error, and some say the reason 'Mexicans' climbed so high onto the charts in the first place, was that this allowed Donald Trump and the Deplorables to exploit a flaw in hit music sales and airplay accounting of that time.
The band rushed out the follow-on single, what the record label itself considered a wasted demo song, but now released as (Build) The Wall. It became the first chart-topping hit for Donald Trump and the Deplorables and is to this day considered their signature song. Even for songs of the Punk-rock era, its lyrics are remarkably simple.
(Build) The Wall
by Donald Trump and the Deplorables
I’m gonna build the wall, build the wall
(Believe me, believe me)
I’m gonna build the wall, build the wall
(Believe me, believe me)
Its gonna be so tall, be so tall
(Believe me, believe me)
Its gonna be so tall, be so tall
(Believe me, believe me)
And who’se gonna pay for it all?
And who’se gonna pay for it all?
(Repeat same set 7 more times)
The love song ran 2 minutes 12 second and repeated the same 5 unique lines a total of 16 times in 8 pairings. Many music reviews about (Build) The Wall were brutal, saying this was the same bullshit of KC and the Sunshine Band just singing the same line ‘Thats the way, I like it’ throughout the whole song, and thus it wasn’t even real Punk-rock to begin with, but the fans absolutely loved it and (Build) The Wall stayed at number 1 of the Billboard Chart for 5 weeks until toppled by Abba’s Dancing Queen.
As Punk-rock era songs had often quite limited lyrics and short durations of the songs, they were also quick to write and to produce. Donald Trump and the Deplorables were even more brief in their lyrics of their songs, which made it even easier for Trump to write new songs and release them. A string of hits followed in the coming months, with the love ballad He’s No War Hero (peaked at number 4), and the perennially popular love song She Bleeds (from Wherever) (peaked at number 3). 'Bleeds' featured a mythical female heroic character 'Megyn' and sparked a worldwide popularity for this mostly-forgotten girl's name. Popular Fox newsanchor Megyn Kelly said she was named so because both of the parents loved 'Bleeds' and had the song played as their wedding waltz.
Trump’s next hit, I Don’t Remember, I Don’t Remember, won the MTV Music Video Awards category for best music video where Trump played a disabled person. The song was the highest-charting Donald Trump hit since (Build) The Wall and reached number 2. It was kept off the top by the rival Punk-rock artist Dr Ben Carson’s Egyptian Love Machine, with their love song I Was A Teenage Gangsta (but I Grew Up to Become a Brain Surgeon).
Donald Trump and the Deplorables had their second number 1 with their most praised love song, Ban the Muslims. A song of considerably more depth than typical Deplorables hits, ‘Muslims’ won the Grammy for Punk-rock Song of the Year beating out The Ramones for I Wanna Be Sedated and Talking Heads for Psycho Killer. The Deplorables would perform an extended free-form 'Muslims' variations of the song in many concerts including a live-perforance-only stanza on "Obama is a Muslim". Another Top 5 hit followed with I Hate The Pope (reached number 3). Many saw this as Trump’s response to the Sex Pistol’s God Save the Queen.
First Album: Primary Race
The first album by Donald Trump and the Deplorables was released for Christmas and called Primary Race. It shot up to the top of the Billboard Albums chart where it held the number 1 slot until replaced by Michael Jackson’s Off The Wall. Many people have said that the title Off The Wall was taken from the Deplorables (Build) The Wall, but Jackson always insisted he had no ‘build’ in his title, that it was unique and his own idea. Diana Ross came to Michael Jackson's defense and promised the album title was as genuine as Michael's nose.
Primary Race was mostly a collection of already-released singles but included new material that would also be later released as further hits. Primary Race exposed the revolving door that Donald Trump and the Deplorables had with the lead guitarist. For several of the songs, the lead guitarist had been replaced. The band ended up with five consecutive lead guitarists in little over one year, from Cory Lewandowski (a horrid guitarist); to Paul Manafort (a decent guitarist) - who briefly tried to move the band to adopt the Russian balalaika instead of the guitar; Steve Bannon (piss-poor guitarist); to its only female band member, Kellyanne Conway (a decent guitarist); to the last guitarist, David Bossie (once again, a miserably bad guitarist). Later lawsuits filed against the record label claimed that the recorded guitar performances were uncredited - and unpaid - performances by Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page and Prince. The movie This Is Spinal Tap took the recurring joke that the band drummers always died, from this revolving door lead guitar position at Donald Trump and the Deplorables. The lawsuits got so bad, that Donald Trump had to rename his band Donald Trump and his Basket of Deplorables for his second album and the later singles released.
The album cover for Primary Race, painted by Frank Frazetta, featured Donald Trump as one of 17 primates racing. His transformation into a primate was remeniscent of David Bowie cover art for Diamond Dogs. The album release was timed for when Queen's Bicycle Races was topping the charts and the album benefited from this media exposure. Rolling Stone magazine listed the album art as one of the 100 greatest album covers ever. Frazetta later sued Trump claiming he had not been paid for the artwork. The lawsuit was settled to an undisclosed amount.
More Top 10 Hits
The hits continued off the fresh album. How Stupid are the People of Iowa, was the next chart-topping hit (one week in February), followed by (I Could Shoot) Somebody on 5th Avenue (two weeks at number 1). 'Fifth Av' as its known, is seen as the inspiration for the later Gangsta Rap direction in rap music. That followed the highly popular I Won’t Debate, a song so popular it rose to the top of the charts twice for a combined 6 weeks. In this song Trump returned to the mythical female character 'Megyn' similar to how David Bowie returned to 'Major Tom' in his hit Ashes to Ashes, who was first introduced in the hit Space Oddity. The hit ‘Debate’ is one of Trump's most controversial songs with accusations he was plagiarizing another song - namely one of his own. Many people say 'Debate' is just ‘She Bleeds (from Wherever)’ with new lyrics but Punk-rock songs are so simple and similar anyway, it is nearly impossible to tell the difference. Trump insisted it was a wholly new song. Fans didn’t care and bought the single in droves.
The Deplorables followed with another Punk-rock love song Jeb Is Low Energy (reached number 2), Cruz is from Canada (two weeks at number 1) and Little Marco (peaked at number 5). That followed with the love song Kasich Would You Be My Veep (peaked at number 8). These four songs are called Trump's Gay Stage. A contemporary study at the Juilliard School in New York observed that since all four of Trump's so-called Gay Songs, use the same refrain 'Lock her up' - they could be considered just stanzas of the same song. They do have the same musical composition. This went unnoticed by all fans at the time. The Gay Stage songs sparked a series of popular murals painted in Lithuania, featuring Trump kissing other men on the mouth. Fans of the Deplorables still make pilgrimages to the most famous mural, Trump kissing Putin, and take selfies at that spot in Vilnius. As this European euphoria was happening, the band released a limited edition promotional single for the European market only called NATO Must Go which reached number 1 in eleven European countries. Many US fans flew to Europe to buy that single.
After a brief pause and change in lead guitarist, DT & The Deplorables returned with another monster Punk-rock anthem, Sheriff’s Star (number 1 for 3 weeks). The first edition singles came with a promotional orange-colored six-pointed sheriff's star badge that could be worn on clothing. Many people have said that Madonna’s Lucky Star was inspired by The Deplorables’ Sheriff’s Star but Madonna herself insists she hates ‘The Donald’ and would not even listen to his songs. The follow-up single, Ted’s Dad Shot Kennedy also hit number 1 for a week. Many have said Bob Marley’s classic I Shot the Sheriff (But I did not shoot the deputy) is an uncredited remake of the Deplorables’ ‘Kennedy’. Then the band released the monster dance anthem (I Saw Them Dancing On the) Rooftop (number 1 for 2 weeks). 'Rooftop' crossed over to top the Billboard Dance charts for 3 weeks as well. Lionel Ritchie's Dancing on the Ceiling takes its signature title melody as a sample from 'Rooftop'. Eleven other dance and disco songs have sampled 'Rooftop' and Dr Dre says its one of the five most requested songs to be used in any modern hip-hop music by young artists and he has to steer them away to other also useful sounds.
After exploring misogyny in several songs, dressing in drag and kissing many men, Donald Trump switched gears and started to write love songs to women. His first, Crooked Hillary, reached number 1 in June (2 weeks), toppling Michael Jackson’s similar love song Dirty Diana. The last song from the first album to be released as a single was Judge Curiel (reached number 9 on the Billboard Hot 100). The string of hits broke the previous record held by the Beatles. At one point in early March, Donald Trump and the Deplorables has 4 hits simultaneously in the Top 20, something no artist had done before and only Justin Bieberlake managed once in 2015.
The highly anticipated second album of the renamed band, now Donald Trump and His Basket of Deplorables, was Convention in Cleveland released in July as a double-album, a world tour and a lawsuit. As with many bands, a 'second album curse' hit the Basket of Deplorables where fans wanted more of the same and critics wanted artistic evolution; and Trump delivered neither. Convention in Cleveland received scalding critical reviews from claims of reissuing older songs with slightly altered lyrics, to no pivot whatsoever. Trump said in an interview in Village Voice that he had it all. He had a pivot, an unpivot and a repivot. He then promised 'Convention' would top the charts and topple the Bee Gees with their soundtrack to the hit disco movie Saturday Night Fever and the omnipresent posters of life-size John Travoltas in his signature white suits. Donald Trump had his company produce a series of life-size naked statues of himself to promote 'Cleveland' but these only made people vomit. The album Convention in Cleveland sold poorly in the album charts. But while the album did poorly, the band released a further string of hits.
The album cover for Convention in Cleveland featured a grainy photo of the Cuyahoga river in Cleveland catching fire. While the image was intended to parody the sad city with its problems with pollution, as a statement that only an idiot party would hold a convention in a city like Cleveland, sadly most of the Deplorables' fans did not understand the subtleties of the joke and many even in America could not even find Cleveland on a map. The album cover is rated by Rolling Stone magazine as one of the 100 worst covers and Donald Trump and the Deplorables are the only band to have an album cover on both the 100 best and 100 worst lists.
The World Tour
Donald Trump and His Basket of Deplorables set out on a much-publicized world tour that was mired in controversy. The 'world' tour had stops to stadium crowds in the USA, and a single gig in Mexico and Scotland (with a live TV appearance also on Russian TV). A further Israel gig was cancelled. Cancellations were a large part of the controversy, Trump would cancel events seemingly at random events and not reimbursing the fans or rebooking events, such as two sold-out concerts in Colorado. The international leg of the tour was met with protests and even government officials resigning. A bootleg recording of the concert tour reveals that Trump played some international songs not on his albums Brexit is Good for You, Japan Should Have Nukes and I Love Kim Jong Un. The audience booing is clearly audible on the recording.
The Band's Last Hits
Only I (Can Fix It) was the first cut off the second album and it reached number 1 (for two weeks). It took over the chart from Queen with their hit We Will Rock You, and seemed to signify a cultural shift happening in America at the turn of the decade. The nation was shirting from the flower-power 1970s of ‘sharing’ and ‘we’ in the hippie era, to the more egotistical 1980s just around the corner, filled with ‘me’, greed and selfishness. Many people say that the next musical revolution, rap music, was inspired by Trump’s emotional, humble, passionate and caring love song ‘Only’. As the early rappers of what is now called ‘old school’ rap used to often try to sing, ‘I am the best’ type of rapping, it can be said that Donald Trump and his Basket of Deplorables hit single, Only I (Can Fix It) was the inspiration for that whole style of music.
More hits followed. The band's greatest hit was the second release from the new album Khan! debuted at number 1 and stayed there for 7 weeks. The song of love, forgiveness and patriotism was voted as the best song of the 1970s decade by readers of the New Musical Express in 1981. Khan! was replaced by the next hit by Donald Trump and his Basket of Deplorables with No Tax Returns (3 weeks at number 1). More Punk-rock love songs followed with Putin is Great (peaked at number 3). Give back Crimea (peaked at number 6), Guns Into Discos (peaked at number 8) and Deportation Force (two weeks at number 1). ‘Deportation’ was also considered for the sound track to an Arnold Schwartzenegger spin-off vehicle around the Predator movie series to star Scott Baio but the project was cancelled.
Another controversial hit followed with the love song He Founded ISIS (three weeks at number 1) which critics said was just the same song of his disco youth, Obama is a Kenyan, but played backwards. Trump went to court and settled the lawsuit but never admitted fault. 'ISIS' was to be the band's last number 1 hit. A music video was produced for Play Doh for Louisiana but for some reason, the band did not release that cut as a single. The video was in heavy rotation on MTV for 9 weeks straight. That followed with the whimsical love song Pocahontas (peaked at number 6) which seemed to signify a shift in musical style to a kinder-gentler punk rock. Then came hard-hitting media commentary song National Enquirer Deserves a Pulitzer (reached number 4). The last Top 10 hit of Donald Trump and His Basket of Deplorables was What Have You Got To Lose (peaked at number 9). While not a rap song per se, 'To Lose' or 'Tolouse' as its often pronounced in rap and hip-hop circles, was the song that inspired Public Enemy to form and learn to rap.
The third album was Election in November (released as Donald Trump and the Basket of Deplorables) received miserable reviews and did not break into the Album charts. The album cover featured the band standing in a row only showing their backs. Many people have said that Donald Trump was in so bad relations by then with his band, that he used stand-ins for the band members. This was because the heights of the other band members did not correspond to those of the band in other pictures when their faces were seen. The album was so bad, it was not reviewed by any major rock music publication. Several tracks from Election in November were cut into singles but none reached the Top 10. The highest charting song from ‘Election’ was End of the GOP which made it to 27 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Many people have said that this was a fraud, that Trump had used his company money to buy enough of 'End' to get it onto the chart, and then not paying those bills, out of yet another of his production companies which by coincidence went bankrupt just as those invoices came due. That may be why 'End' also vanished instantly from the Top 100 chart the following week.
Other Musical Work
Donald Trump co-wrote Aqua's worldwide hit Barbie Girl which is about Sarah Palin. On the track Trump sings uncredited backups. Trump's brief career as a record producer involved teaching Milli Vanilli to lip-synch for their video Girl You Know Its True. Trump's last work for other artists was the original choreography to Vanilla Ice in Ice Ice Baby but Paula Abdul was hired to redo the dance moves completely as Trump himself obviously is tone-deaf and has no sense of rhythm.
Trump also launched a Trump family band out of his children, like The Jackson Five, the Osmonds and the Jets. This failed as his kids had no harmony. Their only single Daddy is a Billionaire never made it into the charts. The whereabouts and later careers of Eric, Junior and Ivanka are unknown. There is some speculation they relocated and now live in Slovenia under assumed names and after considerable plastic surgery, in the witness protection program.
Like Culture Club with Boy George or Wham with George Michael or the Jacksons with Michael Jackson, the Basket of Deplorables was only a vehicle for Donald Trump to be on stage. His lyrics were bland and pointless to the level of drivel but he captured the essence of early raw Punk Rock as it was still being formed. In that way, Donald Trump was not as much a musical genius or visionary like say Prince or David Bowie or Chuck Berry, he was more an amalgamation of the best of Pre-punk rock, the Republican rock, combining the depth of Sarah Palin with the heart of Mitt Romney and the integrity of Nixon. With some wit of Michele Bachmann and math of Rick Perry thrown in for good measure.
Like musical contemporary of the 1970s (and coincidentally also another child molester too) Gary Glitter, Donald Trump also wore an ugly hair piece and covered his face in makeup. Where many real sustainable rockstars of his era, Brian Ferry of Roxy Music or Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones dated and married real fashion supermodels (sometimes the same supermodel even), Donald Trump couldn’t get any to spend time with him, so he rented nude models from a New York escort service that provided hookers from East Europe. Trump arranged fake marriages to three of them, seen as much as sham marriages as Michael Jackson marrying Elvis’s daughter Lisa Marie Presley. Like Jackson, Trump too used his kids from his various marriages as mere props in his life, replete with their Hitler Jugend fake smiles.
Rumor of Cocaine Addiction. Like many rockstars of his era, and among the rich in New York of the 1980s, Donald Trump all through his career was often suspected of being a cocaine addict. His closest friends, Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich and Chris Christie - all reputable men of impeachable character, testify that Trump never had any emotional volatilty, short-temperedness, inability to concentrate, furious anger, paranoia, short attention span, vindictiveness, sleeplessness or a runny nose.
After the third album failed, Donald Trump and His Basket of Deplorables were released from their music label, Republican Records. Two decades of lawsuits followed as various band members sued Trump for back wages and withheld royalty payments. A long-running lawsuit with his backup dancers, the USA Freedom Girls is still not settled. Trump himself declared personal bankruptcy soon after the third album and rapidly became an undesirable for any TV shows or public appearances. The TV biography of Donald Trump and the Deplorables had ironically Donny Osmond performing the role of Donald Trump. It ran once on the E network to poor ratings.
References in Popular Culture
In Music. John Lennon of the Beatles said he was greatly influenced by the humility and sacrifices of Donald Trump and the Beatles hit Back in the USSR was written as the Beatles' homage to Give Back Crimea. Some people say the Beatles hit Taxman is a musical variation of Donald Trump and the Deplorables hit No Tax Returns. Elton John wrote Candle in the Wind as inspired by the bravery in the song Judge Curiel. Elton John's song was meant to be sung as a duet with Trump but he turned Elton John down, who then rearranged the song to be about Princess Diana's death. Chaka Khan was inspired by the band and credits taking her stage name from their hit Khan!. Alice Cooper writes in his autobiography that his song Elected was intended to be a collaboration with Trump for the third album of the Basket of Deplorables, Election in November, as the lead track. But after some meetings and arguments with the guitar arrangements, Trump decided against using that song. Alice Cooper released it later with his own band, and had a big hit with it. Lady Gaga's Poker Face takes its title tune sampling from Jeb Is Low Energy. Sonny of Sonny and Cher told CBS that their hit I've Got You Babe was mostly written by Cher, as she was so inspired by Mexicans are Rapists.
In Cinema. The movie soundtrack to Tom Cruise film Top Gun, Higway To the Dangerzone, by Kenny Loggins, was inspired by, and uses a sample from Putin is Great. Robbie Coltrane's cult comedy movie, The Pope Must Die(t), is a cinematic adaptation of the song I Hate the Pope.
In Television. Michael Palin told the BBC that the original inspiration to the classic The Monty Python song I'm a Lumberjack, and I'm ok was Cruz is from Canada. The comedy troup had been trying to write a song about funny Mexican lumberjacks and it wasn't working but when Cruz is from Canada started playing on the radio, the boys rewrote the song to celebrate Canadian lumberjacks instead and a comedy classic was born.
In Literature. JK Rowling thanks the band Donald Trump and the Deplorables, for inspiring her to write the first Harry Potter book. Literary experts have claimed that there are clear elements of title character Harry Potter in What Have You Got To Lose.
Elsewhere. The hairpiece worn by Donald Trump was often seen walking down 5th Avenue to David Letterman's Top Ten lists.
PS added contributions to the above from regular blog reader Steve B Epstein who is @SBEpstein on Twitter and from new fan S Fergus who is @sferg1252 on Twitter..
THATS IT... Now if you want some of my previous comedy making fun of the Trumpster, here is the Trump-to-English Dictionary. If you'd like some of my analysis of the election, here is the the aggregation I did of the two 50-state polls out last week, with the RCP averages. Or here is my weekly analysis of the race (next one coming on Tuesday - update 13 Sept: its now up)